Thursday, June 26, 2008

dot. dot. dot. dots are what i need.
How do you do it, make me feel like I do? How do you do it, it's better than I ever knew.

Yep. Stellar padin.

But now listening to:
Someday We'll Know - New Radicals

One point in my kid-dom, this was my favorite song.

* * *

I knew there was something wrong with this day the moment I woke up.

It wasn't bright and shiny. I tried thinking of the faces that will soon greet me in school later on. Perked up a little bit, pero wala padin eh.

I just felt like something was wrong. Something was missing.

On the way to school, I kept on changing the songs in my iPod. Which is uncommon, because I usually finish the song before changing to the next track. Ngayon wala pang kalahati kroo na kagad. It just felt different.

The feeling became stronger during the first period. CVE time. I couldn't think properly. And then the feeling grew when Alphonse (my seatmate) and Menandro started talking about YFC and all these religious things.

Fine. I'll burn in hell someday. But it just made me feel all the more uncomfortable. That Big Dude Up There and I are going on in a rough patch. Must fix it. Must. Fix. It.

The day drifted by. OK naman somehow. Alam mo yun. The feeling just disappeared because it was covered by all the laughing and the noise.

Word of the day: billet-doux.

Come Trigo time... Ayun na. Bumalik nanaman siya. I was just spacing out and stuff, EVEN IF I knew the lesson already. It was one of the few things that I got during my MSA days. Props to Sir J. HAHA.

Dismissal time. Wala na. Space. Out.

I am anxious. What could this be about?

* * *

On the contrary though. I know what I'm feeling. But I don't know for certain why I'm feeling that way.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm confused. I am hurt.

I'm confused. And really hurt.

I'm scared because this whole thing that I'm dealing with may never end. May never have a period. Puro comma. Walang period. Kahit exclamation point tatanggapin ko.

And then the other thing. If I leave, the feeling follows me. When I'm there, I lose all interest.

What is wrong with me?


Is there no way to hide how I feel? Or no way to show how I feel?

We are free in this world.

But hell man. I don't even know what I'm doing with my freedom.

Too much happened. Time to go. Time to move on. Pero ang hirap eh. You can't work on things alone.

That's it. I need farreaking closure.



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conquering the world:
one red dot at a time
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