Saturday, September 29, 2007
I feel so stupid after reading my latest post. Yeah, the one that bashes all men and their stupidity. Oh wait. Not men. Boys. Wala lang. I just felt really irritated at that moment, and when I started the post, the old angry feelings just came back. Hahah. I almost feel sorry for those who got affected by the post. Ahem ahem.
Speaking of Ahem Ahem, I'm quite sick right now. Started at our coaster ride from PNU
yesterday, when on the way home, I had difficulty swallowing, and my throat really hurt so bad. So when I reached home, I immediately went to sleep...for like, the whole day or something. It's a good thing I didn't miss anything, we were expecting the San Beda Mendiola
players to come over, hindi naman pala.
YES! =)) I wasn't ready to scream at the moment. At saka we reached the school when the Pep Rally was over, so...if Aljamal and the other players were there, we would have reached NOTHING.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Yes, well I might have lost the bad temperament/moodswings, but WHERE THE HELL HAS MY RESPONSIBILTY GONE TO?
God, I hate myself.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
If you're a guy, don't read this post. You're bound to hate me in the end...ish. There's a piece of (really crap) advice somewhere in the end though. So yeah. I beg of you to understand where I'm coming from.
The whole day I was thinking of boys.
- The boy who scored three points for San Beda yesterday (!!!!!!! Rakenrol pare !!!!!!) which eventually lead us to winning the NCAA championsip (well, Mendiola...but we still carry the same name, so HECK MAN.)
- The boys who carried 27's name and...well lost to 26 (3 powents lang naman).
- And then I was thinking of the certain 'man' I'm going to marry someday. Not thinking of a specific person, just thinking who and what my husband-to-be will be like.
- Also thinking of...well, just a boy. :)) And someone somehow related to him...
- OH and Oh, also this boy who everyone around me seem to like [for me], and well, I like him too, just not in that way.
Which brings us to boys. Boyfriends, boy-space-friends and just plain boys. Boys... psshaw. Who needs them...who UNDERSTANDS them?
Apparently, we do. We, the X chromosome, need the partner Y chromosome.
Yet why is it that there are more X chromosomes than Y chromosomes?
I cannot seem to fathom the reason for this.
I mean, ladies usually always foresee the physical looks for something else. Guys, with much prejudice as I say it, usually don't. Yes, they do check out the "something else", but well they still have to check out the physical thing. We just have to thank God that guys have different types.
(Sigurado ako may rebuttal nito. KAYO RIN NAMANG MGA BABAE AH, PURO LOOKS. whatever dude, have you heard of EYE CANDY? o sigaw, EH YUNG SAMIN RIN NAMAN EYE CANDY LANG EH! fine fine fine. whatever padin. T_T)
Whatever, just bear with me. I feel like hating on boys right now. HAHAHA.
And then there are things about them that only THEY are capable of...
- the speech
- being so nice because they're too nice to hurt you.
The speech I have never experienced, just read about. In a book by Laurie Notaro. Hahahah. Involves using the F word. No, not the F word which ends with UCK. The other one. The one that starts with F and ends with RIENDS. Yeah. Orayt.
The being so nice because they don't want to hurt you I don't understand. Well actually, the pragmatic (uhm...practical) side of me understands. The emotional side, NOT AT ALL. Yes, I do understand that they don't want to hurt you, so they be nice to you, but CAN'T THEY EFFING SEE THAT WHAT THEY'RE DOING IS JUST GETTING US EFFING HURT? What are you, Superman? I mean, I don't get how a guy perfectly capable of getting good grades could not understand what he's doing to the person.
For the dudes who have absolutely NIL idea on why they SHOULDN'T be nice to the person who likes them is...
- It seems like you're letting the girl wait for you. Hahaha. Pinapaasa mo, tshong. All those wonderful, romantic moments that the girl treasures is NOTHING for you. Just a simple rut in the inbox, in the message archive, wherever.
- You hurt us more. See number 1.
- To enlighten you on answer number 1... TATAGALUGIN KO NA HA. Kasi parang... you be nice to the girl, and you give them more reasons to like you. "OOOH, he's so freaking nice, he's so freaking sweet. Why shouldn't I like him?".
- Oh and by the way, please don't share any secrets with this girl. They're bound to get out. Well not all of your secrets, just the ones you forgot to remind her that she can't tell anyone. It's like kissing and telling without the kissing part.
- It might hurt at the start [not being nice], but hey, atleast you give the girl some ground to move on. Hindi yung magpapakagago ka sa kalagitnaan, kung kailan humaling na humaling na sayo ang babae.
- Oh and by the way, NEVER TELL THEM WHO YOU FREAKING LIKE. cause...well if in any case that this is not them, then they would end up hoping and wishing (not to mention guessing) that this is them. don't bring up the freaking topic. if they bring it up, simply tell them you don't like anyone. HAHA.
However, these stuff should only be carried out (or something), if you're not into this girl.
Here comes another dilemma. I've seen it happen. Seen it.
Pag ganyan ka, bahala ka sa buhay mo. Panget.
If you highly doubt that you like this girl, and you're only falling for her because she told you she likes you, FORGET IT. There's bound to be a fall out somewhere in the relationship.
Like her because of who she is.
I beg of you.
Do I sound mad? Cause I'm not. I'm really NOT.
Grabe pati ako nalilito.
you're sure YOU'RE the one she likes. =))
also. don't follow anything i say. i feel angry. so yeah. not in my thinking moment. :P
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
why do we like to hurt so much?
emo shiznit coming up. don't have to read it if you don't want to.
My love, this is what we have become.
Structures left undone,
Stories ended as written,
A smile swept in one fast motion.
A second before it has passed.
A memory that will never last.
Seeds before sown,
I’m left all on my own.
In this dark abyss, the savage waves of water crash.
All your words coming like whiplash.
Here in this dark abyss,
I am nothing but alone.
No idea how I came up with the title of Superman for this poem. I don't even know what point I'm trying to get across. Well actually, I do know the point. It just requires more than 2 sentences to explain my point, and much more tears to shed if I say it here.
It'll be safe to say that I was having one of those "down days" when I wrote this poem.
I feel so confused right now. Usually, the problem with people is that their heart is saying another thing and the mind is saying another. Usually, what the heart is trying to say would be something "irrational" or totally questionable. Otherwise goes for the brain's opinion--something rational, usually the right thing.
Now, in WHAT dimension would you find a person whose body functions the other way? My heart saying the rational thing and the brain saying the irrational thing. This is what happens to weird people like me. This does NOT happen to normal people.
To enlighten you...
Let me let you in to a conversation between me, my brain and my heart...Me:
okay guys, we need to do this thing!Brain:
idiot. we decide on what we do with Migs!Me:
eh ano ba sabi ni heart?Heart:
well, i say we surrender and run off.Brain:
oo... eh kasi naman the evidence is presenting nil chances of ending up married with 6 kids to this guy, so what the hell are you waiting for?Brain:
i'm afraid i do not feel quite right about that thing...Heart:
stupid. you don't feel. i DO the feeling.Brain:
stupider. i DO the analyzing. you do the feeling.Heart
what the hell is wrong with us. oi gisingin mo si vicky, tulog na ata.Me:
okay, so what do we do?Me:
you're supposed to decide for me.Brain:
oo nga pala... so what do we do?Heart:
basta, i say we surrender migs to the girl-whose-name-is-also-a-title-from-a-led-zep-song.Brain:
masyado kang pamigay kung sino yang girl whose ewan ewan chaka kung sino si migs...Heart:
bakit? di naman ah.Brain:
whatever, basta. migs does not like vicky, and that is that.Brain:
it's been 3 months (!??!?!?!??!) palang naman eh, how would you know.Heart:
three months ka diyan. um. hahaha. well that's what i think. or rather, feel.Brain:
i don't think that's right. ewan ko, something in me thinks that he likes her.Heart:
tanga, ako yata yung "something in me" na sinasabi mo eh.Brain:
EH YUN PALA EH. oh eh why are you saying that we shall surrender him to the led zep girl who probably likes him?Heart:
because...well according to you, that's the rational thing to do. but then parang i'm in peace with the thought na migs doesn't like our owner back. that he likes someone else, and that someone will make him happy.Brain:
hahaha i'm definitely not in peace with that. i don't know, maybe it's selfishness.Heart:
kasi i won't let myself love without being loved back. i guess may issue ako about that.Heart:
huh. hindi naman siguro. magkaiba lang talaga daloy ng dugo sa atin.Brain:
diba sayo galing yung dugo...Heart:
oo nga noh... hahaha.Brain:
o ano na?Heart:
alam ko na...
***a few minutes of short singsong in my head***Brain
we've reached our decision.Me:
talaga? talaga? TALAGA?!?!?B
we've agreed on...Me:
NGEEE! Hahaha. This really went through my head. I don't know how. Oo, it's weird, pero it's how it really went through. I was even listening to The Used at that time. Hindi yung bago nilang album, panget yun. Yung dati. Hahahaha.
Haaaay. It feels good after you release everything.
Kaya ako natatawag na gossip freak nito eh. AHHAAH.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Our TV is wrecked.
That's why we transferred our other TV to the sala, which is not used for watching TV, but rather, for watching videos and PlayStation. When we connected it, the only channels present were channels 2 (abs-cbn), Qtv and Studio 23.
I'm not really affected, 'cause I haven't got much time to do the things I want to do/need to do. I don't even have time to watch TV anymore.
Last year's days were the best. And I don't even know why. Could it be because of the 10 am to 5 pm sched? Or the company? Or what?
All I know is, when I get year almost every day, the only thing I want in the world is sleep. Yes, sleep.
I remember the time when I hated sleeping. Yeah. When I was in grade 2, in guidance class, one activity asked me to state something that I hate. And I said sleeping, because it would annoy the hell out of me once our ates
would force us to go to bed during the afternoons.
Now, that's all I need. I've been lacking sleep constantly. It sucks, yes. But I live with it. Hahah.
Also, all the things that I want to do? I never have time to do anymore. I don't even know why. I just find myself short of time. The luxury of time obviously wasn't granted to me.
Hmmm, it could also be that I am a lazy ass, and I procrastinate a lot. Maybe even too much.
Ahhh, Vicky the slob. :P
i'm too pooped to return your comments, so i'll be doing it tomorrow, maybe. s'laters :P
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Listening to: At the Cafe Rendezvous - Doris Day (Jazz*Latte)
It Had To Be You - Doris Day (Jazz*Latte)
The Way You Look Tonight - Tony Bennett (Jazz*Latte)
Oh yes. Doris Day. Should be familiar with the name if you've read the book A Thing About Jane Spring.
Amazing. So...so...I don't know I just enjoy them. Even if they're slow-ish, some of these songs are the happiest I've ever listened to. And the violins, pianos and saxophones are just a breath of fresh air, considering the heavy ear damage that drums, bass guitars and electric guitars have inflicted in my ear. Okay, so there's still evidence of drums in these songs, but they're not that...hmm...Yeah. HAHAHA.
I like my title. Everytime I feel gloomy, I think of it, 'cause it makes me smile. :-) (Haha, Erika.)
Tomorrow, I'll be 14, without much burden to spare. I sure as hell hope my birthday wouldn't suck this year just like my 13th. My 13th, dear GOD, that sucked ass. Really. Worst birthday. Drama drama pa eh. Hahahah. Yihee. It ends tonight raw (check awt the old blog). It ended EARLIER than that, honey. Grabe, natatawa ako.
I think I've changed much. The people around me probably haven't noticed, but of course I have. Which is ironic, really. But, to hell with it.
I think I've become more patient and sensitive when it comes to people, even though my sensitivity fluctuates sometimes. I cuss MORE, and I've been acting so much like a boy. I've lost every inch of poise and finesse in my body. Now I'm more conscious with what I say and do...not in that
way, but you know... I try to monitor what I do so as not to hurt other people anymore. Also, so that I won't keep acting like such a boy.
What else. I've been critical of myself more than ever, but I'm glad that I have learned that once evidence of jealousy and envy show up, I try all I could to push it away. And it works. I'm happy.
I've also appreciated everything I have. The sun that shines brightly during the assembly, the cockroaches hovering (i'm kidding), my friends, my mom, my sister, my family... Everything. I've learned to show gratitude for the things I have, and the things I will receive. I learn to entrust in God in whatever that is to come.
I learned that every day is a constant opportunity to prove your self. Do not live in the past, nor in the future. The present is all you have. I learned that with inspiration, determination, perseverance and faith, you could achieve whatever you want to achieve. I learned to check with my mind and with my heart first. If something doesn't feel right, it means it isn't.
Mother knows best. That's for sure.
I also learned that being open about anything and everything is the bomb. Sometimes, a lie leads to another and then the next thing you know, you get tangled in your own web of lies without a way of getting out.
I've also read more books than ever.
From The Alchemist
by Paulo Coelho
, I learned so much things about myself. 'Cause in that book are so much things in my mind verbalized. You know. It's like he explained it for me. Everything in this world is one, even lead and gold. That dreams should not be stopped by love. If love stops a dream, then it is not true. Some people, in the middle of their journey to their dreams, they lose all hope and then they live with "fate". Whenever something terrible happens, they blame the fates. Well, to hell with that. The university conspires with one person who reaches for their dream. These problems aren't evil things thrown randomly at us, they're used to test if we've learned something. If we haven't then it sure as hell is an experience to learn from.
I also learned that some things just cannot be stopped. Yes, there is still fate and destiny, but they don't stop you from reaching your "Personal Legend". What's supposed to happen is supposed to happen.
And lastly? Getting over someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving (or as I would prefer to say it...liking) them, it just means you'll learn to live by without them. Also, getting busy on certain things keep your mind off things you shouldn't be thinking about.
However, if there's one thing I never learned, it's how to do Math. Kidding. I think being good in Math comes with the confidence of knowing that your answer is right, whether it's negative, a decimal or a fraction.
So, cheers to my 14th birthday and to everything I've loved, learned and lost. :-)
Saturday, September 8, 2007
beekee the hippie's litol sanctuary. (i am not a hippie.)
Ahh yes, well I am very happy in my litol sanctuary right now.
I have my room now.
AHHH CHEERS CHEERS!
But not for long, since our ates
would move back here during the 28th. 'Cause my grandpapi will be arriving from London in the 29th for good.
YEHEY but also AWWW.
AWW, because the helpers, for sure will be sharing the space on my closet and my table once again. And I am very VERY VERY (very very very...) specific and territorial when it comes to my personal space. I want only MY things in their OWN places. My world crumbles when the gel pens are in the second drawer when they're supposed to be in the first, when the shopping bags are all over the place instead of in the third drawer. It even affects my grades. (I don't get to study if things are all over the place)
I even cleaned my desk the other day. I discovered so much things forgotten. And so much things that could be given out as gifts. See, there were these sets of unused notebooks with really nice covers which we bought from a kindergarten waaay back. Sayang.
Ahh yes, the language of organized people. People who can't live with dirt and mess. Yes you can banter with me, but I shall remain a clean person throughout my life...that is until I have my six children who I plan to name Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So and La. Or better yet, as a tribute to my friends, Genesis, Exodus, Deuteronomy, Leviticus, Numbers and Pentateuch. Or... Paramore, Nirvana, Metallica, Grease and Hairspray, as a tribute to the culture I used to enjoy. Ganda noh?
Also it saddens me that I will lose this own sanctuary of mine, which I currently use for bumming out and studying. You know. I could even use the laptop (which I am proud to say I own...ish.) because my mom recently installed a wireless router. I could even use the internet while answering to the call of nature. Ahhh, the beauty of having three computers in this home. I have to buy a flashdisk to transfer all of my files from the pc (which my sister owns...ish.) HAH. She can't hog this thing anymore.
YEHEY to my granddad arriving because I am pretty sure it will mark the start of the ehrr...renovation of our house. I think my sister and I will have up and down rooms. My younger sister thinks she'll have the top room,and I'll have the bottom room. Silly ass, tricked into believing she'll have the advantageous view. I need to need to neeeeeed to think up of ways so that we can both feel good about our decision. HAH. I cannot be stopped. An aspiring artist like me needs that place. The balcony, and the blank sky. Ah yes. Singing about without a guitar about rainbows and not-so starry skies and cars and heartbreaks and hair wax.
WAIT, WHAT ARTIST?
Anyways, I think there'll also be a music room, where we could place a drum set (that is, if we still have money left) and our piano. Ayan. To release all the pent up frustrations. That is, if I forget the frustration with the drums constantly reminding me. Laugh with me, everyone. Hark shall laugh at the stupidities and oddities of life.
What is wrong with me.
So you see, dear friends, I live for this place. Once it is taken from me, I shall live for nothing. WHUT?
It's just a silly appeal to speed up the my-own-room process. Or rather, a silly appeal for my OWN OWN ROOM! HI MOM!