Wednesday, June 4, 2008

rewind. pause. delete.

That's why I'm so freaking scared.

I'm scared because I might lose my presence of mind, and come back to my old self. I'm scared that I might be so incredibly idiotic, it's a mild form of hara kiri. I'm scared of crashing, and burning, and those sleepless, dramatic, poetic, pathetic, emo nights.

I'm not that Vicky anymore. I've changed, even if it's not very evident. I can feel it,and I know myself. Better than anyone else. (Besides a select people. )

I'm less stupid. I'm more friendly. I try not to be mataray. I'm very conscious of my voice tone nowadays. I smile more. I share more. I'm more hyper. I admit my mistakes. I'm more understanding. I TRY to be quiet.

Pero maingay padin ako.

I'll do something about that.

I make mistakes. I was younger. I was stupid. I was overcome by some silly feeling, ok? I'm SORRY. I wasn't very conscious. I thought people didn't care. I don't even mention freaking names in my blog anymore. Except for my friends' names, but besides that, noooo!!!

And how I feel.

I try to keep how I feel to myself. Give or take a few friends. I've FREAKING LEARNED, damnit!!! hahahaha. The whole episode was so freaking sorry and awful, I wish I could rewind, pause and then delete the whole scene.

But of course, I can't. I won't want to. The whole thing was sorry, but I was happy about it din. If it didn't happen, many things would not have happened. Me and my mom? This close thing that we have? It was because of that. And I discovered so many things about myself, things I didn't even think that I was capable of. I questioned myself, and out of it I got many things. I cried my heart out, made sorry poems (although some of them were REALLY good. HAHAH. in my opinion, atleast), woke up the next day with the piggiest eyes of them all...

But you know what? After all is said and done, I'm happy it happened. I'm not happy things went down the hill, but what can you do, diba?

I'm happy I learned. I make mistakes, and I will. Pero ibang mistakes naman ngayon. Ittry ko naman yung ibang mistakes. Baduy na pag paulit-ulit. (nge.)

I'm sorry. And then Thank you.

Yun lang. Bow.


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