Wednesday, July 9, 2008
i'm a freaking ghetto gangsta.
AHAHAHHA I LIKE THIS QUIZ!!! This is funny. I can actually imagine Bene, suddenly being like...*thinks of the school in High School Musical* East High ba yun? Each table in the cafeteria belonging to a certain clique. I'm glad Bene isn't like that. I mean there are cliques, but not extremities.
And then I see me, in baggy jeans and a beanie, being all "Hey, homie, was happenin man?"
WAHAHAH. I'd make the worst ghetto chick. Although I wouldn't mind having those ultra-cool neon Nike high tops. They are love shoe-nified. And besides, the ghetto music wouldn't fit me.
I'm absent from school today.
Long story short, I was too sick to even feel my mother poking my ass, daring me to wake up. Which, simply put, means that I didn't wake up in time for school.
I completely blame the coughs and the colds. This is the worst bout with the tandem that I've ever had.
Anyways, I didn't miss a lot daw
. Although Johan said the lounge was quiet because I was absent. In his words:
Johan Asher De Mesa: bat ka absent?
vicky marquez: awww namiss mko no?
Johan Asher De Mesa: oo wla kcing maingay sa lounge...
vicky marquez: pramis?
Johan Asher De Mesa: oo... bat ka absent?
Of course I took it as a compliment. How else can I take it? Trust me to feel good about being loud.
I HAVE been loud lately. But alteast I now know. Like how I "BARK" at people pala, without knowing it. And how a simple "excuse me" induced with SO MUCH attitude could make a teacher say "uy, easy lang!". I have to control the tone of my voice.
Well atleast I'm aware.
Also, what I'm aware of lately is my kasungitan and katarayan. Which, I found out, was rather a genetic thing. Or maybe I was influenced by my parents. But yeah. My mom said "Ang taray mo na, masungit ka pa, suplada ka pa." Which I didn't take wrongly. It was true. Although sometimes, because of my personality nga, my "shyness" is confused with "kasupladahan".
People don't believe me when I say I'm shy. Sometimes I don't believe it either. But one way or another, I've learned how to overcome my shyness eh. Of late, I haven't showed any signs of shyness. Complete opposite nga eh.
And I actually believe that ditching my glasses would make it easy for me to "change" the whole image. Plainly, with just my glasses on and a blank face, I look mataray daw.
I love my glasses though. They breathe life to the "Victoria" in my name. My mom told me that she thinks that one way or another, I might have been royalty in my previous life. Wishfully thinking, sana si Queen Victoria. :-))
Without the glasses, I could either be "Maria" or "Isabel". I choose "Isabel". Sounds nicer eh. Isa Marquez. Ayyy, parang artista. HAHAHA.
But my darling glasses, oh my darling spectacles have been giving me FACIAL TANLINES which are bothering the holy heck out of me. I swear. It would bother you if you were me.
Oh, I missed the monthly school mass today. Which sucks, because I like masses at Bene. The monthly ones. Because of the following reasons:
a) I feel like the monthly masses are the only saving grace that I have from burning in hell. When I'm with my batchmates, I am reminded of the things that I really need to pray for.
b) I get to show off my neck-tying skills! I love tying neck ties. So much fun.
c) Hmm. I just like them. Whenever I go to mass I feel like my spirit has taken a good, long, bath. My soul feels dirty lately.
I completely abhor the gala uniform though. Although my friends say they look good on me. Which is something that I don't know if I'll take as a compliment or as an insult. :P
Fast forward to tomorrow, well we have a lot of activities tomorrow. Trust me to be absent on a day when all the reminders are given.
We have this thing about wearing red, and then offering flowers, and then bringing rice. At first, I thought I was supposed to bring the grains. As in bigas
palang siya. Thank God Nikki/Dyords texted me and said we have to bring COOKED rice. Pucha, I would have looked REALLY STUPID with those bigas
grains. My imagination is on overdrive, so I'm laughing really hard right now. I thought we were going to donate the rice or something. Yun pala we were going to eat it.
I'm pretty pumped up for tomorrow.
Holy spongebob, I'm leading the Mission Statement during Assembly tomorrow! WITH ME IN THIS STATE! God, I might as well infect the whole campus. =)) It's like reciting the mission statement with my two fingers holding the top of my nose. I sound exactly like that. Ngongo. And what if I cough or sneeze in between? And then snot hangs out pala?
I liked my voice during the semi-malala stage of my colds though. Kind of raspy and deep. Only the Heavens know how my normal voice really sounds like to the ears of other people.
Oh my, it's 11:30. I need some rest. Be back when something juicy hits me. :)
Monday, July 7, 2008
loveless blues pt1
- When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney
AAAAAH SUMMER DAYS, SUMMER DAYS. I remember listening to this song while riding a trike to Tahanan. Hooooooooo.
- Who Needs Shelter? - Mraz
I LOVE YOU JASON MRAZ!!! Team Mraz! HAHA.
- A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie
Ang ganda nung stat ni Lia, I decided to research the lyrics. Nung una the song was kind of... "Ok, *kroo*" Pero when I listened to the whole song... Shet. HAHA.
It's so nice to be blissfully in lurrveee noh?
Oy. I'm not in a state of blissful inlove-ness. Quite the complete opposite. But I'm just reminiscing the good old days when I didn't care about anything else. Just a boy, and the way his eyelashes dance the ballet when he closes his eyes.
Yuck. I'm not talking about anyone. I just got that out of a Julia Quinn book.
How the heck will eyelashes dance the ballet anyway?
Have you ever felt that, though? You're just in a state of obliviousness. The world stops. S.T.O.P.S. all caps, plus periods in between. You shudder in utter kakiligan
, and somehow refuse to share such a shameless moment to your friends. Its your own secret.
I miss that feeling.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
that's not my name.
Good 'ol Arctic Monkeys.
I miss their sound. I should trek to Music1 and buy their album.
Ang tagal na nun ah.
Also the Ting Tings. That's Not My Name has been in my iPod for a LONG time already, and I only got to appreciate it because Angeli brought it up and when I listened to it I can't resist bouncing up and down.
What's your favorite song?
I need new stuff for my iPod. I'm bordering on desperate. No one seems to have the same taste as I do. HAHA.
No, seriously. I'm stuck in a music rut.
I wish I was a teenager in the 90's. It seemed like it was much more fun. On the verge of high-techness but somehow still left behind. The era of Clueless, and the banner years of Freddie Prinze Jr. The time when Smashing Pumpkins was considered mainstream. The time when corny teenager Pinoy movies suddenly sprouted out of everywhere.
I don't even wonder why I think I was born in the wrong era. It could have been anytime but now.
When you see someone everywhere, sprouting like kabute (that's mushroom for you) all the time, would that bother you?
It certainly bothers me.
Grabe, most of my recent posts have been so maudlin! This is a sign. I need change.
Be back when change has bitten me in my big fat arse.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
so many questions, I need an answer.
Someday We'll Know - New Radicals
the 90s rock.
Back earlier than I expected.
I didn't know it would drag on this far. I didn't know. I. Didn't. Freaking. Know. What. I. Was. Getting. Myself. Into.
Demmit. Who knew what I was getting myself into anyway? It was a petty thing. A very petty thing.
It's so funny, it's not even funny. (HA?!?!?!)
Now the moral lesson of the story is... nothing is ever a petty thing. Things start out petty, and then they accumulate events, facts and people. And now the petty thing is just a tangled web of...everything.
I'm so tired na. I'm tired. Sure. I get out of breath. Sure I smile. But now I'm not smiling. And I am perfectly and normally breathing. And I am tired of the repetitive way that things are going. Hindi ko na maintindihan. Why do I always ask questions? How come I never understand what I want? How come I never know what I want?
Why can't I be consistent?
Why is it always...there?
How come it has this effect on me?
I suppose I can't blame people. i don't know their issues. But I can't help it. Argh. I badly want to punch something, someone in the face right now, just to release the anger.
I've waited for the breaking point long enough. Still hasn't come. When will it come? Para when the pieces break I won't put them together na. It's just so tiring.
It's like. It's like I'm playing a game with someone I don't want to play with anymore. Sometimes I don't even know I'm playing a game. But I am. I feel like I am.
Grabe. i need my dots.
Drive - Incubus
Drive is my new comfort song.
I get to think in the bathroom. I won't even attempt to answer the resounding questions that I know are now gearing in yo brain.
I didn't know I did it, until I started telling my friends about things I thought of while in the bathroom. I didn't notice the common factor until someone pointed it out to me.
And up to now, I still do it. Think in the bathroom, I mean. It's subconscious.
But I'm telling you, I come up with the most brilliant things in the bathroom. Our bathroom ha.
And then I thought of something.
Not very brilliant.
Kind of devastating, in fact.
It's more of a... guess. Trying to tie up the facts and stuff. An assumption, really.
If this whole thing that I thought of is real.
I'd be dead.
Or that's what I'll probably feel.
Dead. With an empty void.
And then I'll feel stupid.
I actually feel stupid right now.
What if this thing is real?
Be back later. ;)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I BLAME JP.
I was planning to take a morning jog and then trek of to the church for the earliest mass.
Obviously, hindi ko na magagawa yun.
Ay what the hell. HAHAH.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
dot. dot. dot. dots are what i need.
How do you do it, make me feel like I do? How do you do it, it's better than I ever knew.
Yep. Stellar padin.But now listening to:
Someday We'll Know - New Radicals
One point in my kid-dom, this was my favorite song.
* * *
I knew there was something wrong with this day the moment I woke up.
It wasn't bright and shiny. I tried thinking of the faces that will soon greet me in school later on. Perked up a little bit, pero wala padin eh.
I just felt like something was wrong. Something was missing.
On the way to school, I kept on changing the songs in my iPod. Which is uncommon, because I usually finish the song before changing to the next track. Ngayon wala pang kalahati kroo na kagad. It just felt different.
The feeling became stronger during the first period. CVE time. I couldn't think properly. And then the feeling grew when Alphonse (my seatmate) and Menandro started talking about YFC and all these religious things.
Fine. I'll burn in hell someday. But it just made me feel all the more uncomfortable. That Big Dude Up There and I are going on in a rough patch. Must fix it. Must. Fix. It.
The day drifted by. OK naman somehow. Alam mo yun. The feeling just disappeared because it was covered by all the laughing and the noise.
Word of the day: billet-doux.
Come Trigo time... Ayun na. Bumalik nanaman siya. I was just spacing out and stuff, EVEN IF I knew the lesson already. It was one of the few things that I got during my MSA days. Props to Sir J. HAHA.
Dismissal time. Wala na. Space. Out.
I am anxious. What could this be about?
* * *
On the contrary though. I know what I'm feeling. But I don't know for certain
why I'm feeling that way.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm confused. I am hurt.
I'm confused. And really
I'm scared because this whole thing that I'm dealing with may never end. May never have a period. Puro comma. Walang period. Kahit exclamation point tatanggapin ko.
And then the other thing. If I leave, the feeling follows me. When I'm there, I lose all interest.
What is wrong with me?
Is there no way to hide how I feel? Or no way to show how I feel?
We are free in this world.
But hell man. I don't even know what I'm doing with my freedom.
Too much happened. Time to go. Time to move on. Pero ang hirap eh. You can't work on things alone.
That's it. I need farreaking closure.
YOU NEED TO PUT THE DOT IN THIS PARAGRAPH-LONG SENTENCE!